My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
