after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
