Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
