you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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