Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
