Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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