I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
