I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
