You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
