i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
