so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
