remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
vagina is talking i cant
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
