im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We got so high we made milksteak
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I can't turn off my feet"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
