Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
