bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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