Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
