Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
