we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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