Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
