my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
