I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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