WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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