Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
