I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
