Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
