dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
