You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
