It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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