Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
