a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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