I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
