Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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