i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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