so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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