once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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