where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
