Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
