My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
