So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
All the doctor said was why
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
