I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
