Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
