Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
