I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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