last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
and she was petting her beer can
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
