somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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