Im at strip club and am horny
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
