nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
