Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
