Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
