Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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