tonight lets celebrate not being married
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
