eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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